The last two weeks have not been good. My heart hurts. And yet I am so rich because my heart could not hurt if were it not filled with love. Such rich love for those that hold my heart.
Don’t worry, it wasn’t my husband. I adore him. He is so good at loving me.
And there is another that holds me so tight that even the broken pieces do not fall out and shatter. He binds those wounds with the promise of His faithfulness.
And it’s for this great LOVE that we do what we do. That we carry on. That we get back up after messing up. That we try again though we did wrong.
It’s for this great LOVE that we strive. Not because we have to, but because we want to. Because we are compelled to be closer to the One we love most. I cannot explain it, if you don’t know it. But I urge you to pursue. To just find out what I speak of.
My husband is out with friends and my girls are sleeping, and so alone I turned on some music, wrapped presents, and worked through things that are bothering me. A song came on that laid me bare. I’ll probably regret writing something during such an emotional moment and maybe I’ll delete it later. But for now it’s here.
There are moments when I think of my mom in her last moments and the missing of her hits me so hard. It’s hard for me to reconcile losing her, with the life that I know she is now fully living. I miss her.
And so I push past those moments and focus on God and His gifts. Gifts so rich that I am suddenly filled with gratitude.
For the gift of a mother that I did not truly understand until now.
For a faithful, loving husband that stands beside me, holding me up when I feel so completely alone otherwise. For my lovely daughters that sing of God’s goodness and humor and beauty. For the others that are loving me from afar (they know who they are). For those that try to push me away.
I am thankful.
You see, when I look around, I see so much more. It’s this “lifting my eyes to hills” thing that I’ve got to remember… It heals the heart. It cleanses the eye. It strengthens the bones.
And so… I urge you to take a few minutes and listen to this song. Close your eyes and let God change your perspective.