I know it’s just a small amount of time. Just a phase. And thank God for that. But wow… has it been a hard two weeks.
Our 4th of July celebration came to a screeching halt when my husband was hit in the eye with a “birdy” while playing badminton. Sounds like a harmless injury, but aside from the intense pain, he was blind for three days in one eye and unable to function for much longer. While he was laid up in bed, our bathroom toilet overflowed and ran into our bedroom, soaking the carpet. Due to his injury, we were not able to pull up the carpet until 5 days later.
Our home looks chaotic right now. Our bedroom is almost empty, with pieces of carpeting everywhere. The tiny guest bedroom is filled with tons of furniture, bedding, dresses, clothes, etc. Things that were in the guest bedroom previously have made a temporary home in the living room. There’s clean laundry everywhere, and my girls’ room looks a mess. And it’s all reminiscent of my brain.
My brain feels like that right now. Like a mess. But an organized mess. Or at least one I’m trying to get organized.
Tonight, I confessed to my hubby that I’m feeling very base right now. In that, I mean, I’m tired of just reacting. I want to be intentional in the way I respond to everything. It’s a hard thing to do when you’re exhausted and there’s no rest in sight. I don’t want my words to just rush out of me, but I want to make each one intentional. Purposeful. Life-giving.
This has been an incredibly hard year for us. I don’t think details are necessary here. But this week, was definitely the kicker. Like a punch in the gut, like a knock to the knees when you’re just thinking you can stand up. I cried the entire way home from the ER on July 4th because I thought my husband had lost his eye sight. I cried days later because I was in over my head. I didn’t feel like a good mommy, and that is the worst.
Today I went grocery shopping, helped promote a local cause, did laundry, connected with my babies a tiny bit more than I have in the past week, worked on the worship set for church this weekend, cleaned the kitchen, made several meals, and had several phone conversations all based around the fact that the birth-date on my mom’s headstone is wrong. All in a normal day for us now, I guess.
So how do I find the romance in this new ordinary? How do I learn how to not just tread water in this new terrain, but actually swim towards something? How do I keep my eyes to the mountains where my hope is when I’m having an awfully hard time getting my eyes off of myself?
Well first, I kissed my husband. That always helps.
And then he told me that I should read my Bible, Psalms specifically, and he’s the wisest person I know. He reminded me that it’s a book full of the most highest praise for God and the most heart-wrenching pleas from His people. Great pains mingled in with moments at the feet of our Creator while He binds up our wounds.
I invite you to join me, all you weary and heavy- hearted. There’s a lot of you out there tonight. I see it on facebook. I see it on twitter. I see it on the news. I hear it when I speak with you. Open up your Bible with me to Psalms chapter 1 and let’s see what treasures God has for us.
I read something tonight written by a friend. You can read it here. There was a quote in it that I loved. “Not all treasure is silver and gold, mate.”- Captain Jack Sparrow.
So let’s get to it then. Let’s see what treasures the Lord has for us.
p.s. This week in Medford there were five murders. In response a group of local moms (firefighters’ wives) started a nonprofit organization. They are raising money to help the victims’ families pay for the funeral/ burial costs. If you would like to know more information on this, please click here.