Today I needed a dose of perspective.
It came in a form I didn’t expect. From my mother.
Whenever I look at the mounds of dirty laundry that never seem to go away, I remember when my mom said that all she wanted was to be able to do my little sisters’ laundry. The chemo had made everything difficult.
Tonight, while looking through some pictures my husband had uploaded to the computer, I found this. I had gone through my facebook and photographed every footprint my mom had left there…
My mom didn’t want her own facebook, so she took over my dad’s. She loved to say ridiculous things as him like, “I’m gonna get me a netti pot.” At the end, it was the vehicle through which she spoke to everyone because she couldn’t bear to face everyone when her own grief was so great.
This note was from her.
“More chemo today. Count it all joy.”
What was she talking about?
“Count it all joy when you fall into various trials, knowing that the testing of your faith produces patience, but let patience have its perfect work, that you may be perfect, lacking nothing. If any of you lacks wisdom let him ask of God who gives liberally and without reproach, and it will be given to him, but let him ask in faith, with no doubting, for he who doubts is like a wave of the sea tossed around by the wind.” James 1: 2-6
How did she count it all joy? I have no idea.
I have no idea.
I still can’t believe she’s gone.
But she did not doubt. She knew who she was, why she was here, and Who she loved with all her heart, even though her very body was killing her.
She was not tossed around like the waves in the wind.
Count it all joy when trials come because it will make us stronger. I didn’t say it would make sense, or be easy to take. Just count it all joy. All joy. All joy. Joy is not disillusioned. It sees things for what they really are.
And then it sets its eyes on what is greater, bigger, more important, more real.
I want to be a woman of joy.