During my junior year of highschool, I was diagnosed with depression. One night I was driving home alone and the words to a song I had never heard before came to my lips. The next day I got a postcard in the mail from my youth pastor. On it, he had written the words to Psalm 91:1-4, scriptures I had never read before. They were the same words to the song I had sung the night before.
“He who dwells in the secret place of the Most High, shall abide under the shadow of the Almighty. I will say of the Lord, ‘He is my refuge and my fortress, my God in whom I trust’… He shall cover you with His feathers and under His wings you shall take refuge…”
In college, another scripture became special to me. To remind me that in a world where everything changes, God always stays the same.
“This hope we have as an anchor of the soul, both sure and steadfast, which enters the presence behind the veil, where the forerunner has entered before us, Jesus, having become the High Priest forever…” Hebrews 6:19-20.
In 2008, Nick and I felt as if we had lost everything. I wont go into details here, but it was devastating. Seemed like years of hard work and hope were gone. Just gone. One night while I was leading worship at church, the pastor stood next to me and read this scripture to the congregation:
“So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust, and the chewing locust… You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied, and praise the name of the Lord your God, who has dealt wondrously with you; My people shall never be put to shame.”
And I knew that was just for me and Nick. I didn’t hear where the scripture was from though and as the words faded in my mind I wished I could remember where to find it. I looked though. The Bible’s a big book. Sometimes it’s hard to find things.
When mom got sick, several people called, emailed, and wrote that she was to read Psalms 27 and 118. She read them every night until she couldn’t read anymore. I read them too. Every night, knowing that she did the same in Redding. There were a few times when my sisters, Dad, or Grandma would read to her also.
“I would have lost heart unless I had believe that I would see the goodness of God in the land of the living.” Psalm 27: 13.
What an amazing statement of faith to be made by a woman that had been told she only had a few months to live.
The other night I was lying in bed and trying to read my Bible. It’s been hard lately simply because I am so exhausted. I don’t think I need to say how hard this year has been. It’s been almost a dichotomy. So much taken from us. So much given to us. It’s strange to feel so blessed and so hurt all at once.
I flipped open my Bible to just any scripture cause I was too tired to think, and this is what my eyes went to.
“So I will restore to you the years that the swarming locust has eaten, the crawling locust, the consuming locust, the chewing locust… You shall eat in plenty and be satisfied and praise the name of the Lord Your God, who had dealt wondrously with you; my people shall never be put to shame.”
And this time I made sure to look and see where it was found to remember.
This is my scripture for now.