I finally got bootstraps.

I don’t know how to do this.

My teen years were spent traveling to San Fransisco and doing mission trips there. Before mission trips, we did team-building exercises. You know the kind where you’re blindfolded and lined up on a log and you have to put yourselves in alphabetical order but you’re not allowed to speak. No? Never had to do that? I did. It’s supposed to build trust or something like that.

That’s how I feel now.

Blindfolded.

I don’t know how to do this.

I don’t know how to watch my dad get married. I don’t how to love a new woman. I don’t know how to not think of my mom the entire time. And I know no one’s asking me to know how, but I want to. I want to do this right.

I’m blindfolded. But Jesus has my hand.

One foot in front of the other.

One breath after the other.

And I know He could remove the blindfold if He wanted to, but maybe that wouldn’t be good for me. Maybe, sometimes, we’re not supposed to see it all. Because it would just be too much.

So one foot in front of the other. One breath after the other. Step by step. One second at a time.

I can handle that.

Mom’s favorite thing to tell me was to “pull myself up by my bootstrap” in regards to situations that I didn’t understand. I never even knew what a bootstrap was.

Till now.

Tomorrow, I’ll be donning a dress and cowboy boots.  I’ll pull them on and will finally understand what she meant. Then I’ll go to the ranch and bear witness to something beyond my understanding.

I imagine Jesus there. Brushing His hand across my brow, pushing my hair behind my ear, saying, “It’s okay, Katie. You don’t need to understand. I do. And that’s enough.”

And I’ll hear my mom saying, “You just pull yourself up by the bootstraps and do what you gotta do.”

I love my family. So I’m doing what I gotta do.

Sisters.

(If you comment, please keep your words nice and respectable.)

 

 

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3 thoughts on “I finally got bootstraps.

  1. Katie,

    My heart goes out to you. I know how fast this seems, but I believe with your dad getting married so soon shows how wonderful your mom is. Your dad had a wonderful life with your mom and that place in his life has been empty since Dawn went to heaven. I will be thinking of you and praying for all of you. Love ya lots,
    Rebecca
    p.s I love the pic of you and your sisters.

  2. You know Katie….It took me years to understand the term…His Grace Is Sufficient. Times like these sometimes requiring us to trust Gods heart when we can’t see His hand. If He can hold the universe together and names the stars in the heavens, He is holding you in His everlasting, loving arms. You are never out of His reach. I know your love will mean everything to your daddy. In the good times and the not so good times. In the every season of your lives. You are a wise young lady with so much grace, mercy and love. Your heart beats with blessings.
    I love you and I am so proud of you!

  3. Katie,

    Seems such the perfect sentiment. I agree–you go forward with a mind toward understanding, and a heart full of love and trust in your faith. It is so honorable, so you, and so wonderful that you’d share your Bootstraps sentiment with us.

    The picture of you, Natalie, and Michaela is so perfect: you’re bearing the harsh wind but you’re together and have the warm sun on your faces.

    I want the best for my sweet cousin Gene. 🙂
    gretchen

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