Heaven is in her heart.

I was 28 years old before I felt a literal pull towards heaven. I always knew that was where my heart was supposed to call home. But I have been so blessed on this earth, in every aspect, through it all so touched by the divine in this earthly place that I could not understand heaven. Perhaps it’s because the Kingdom of heaven has always felt very real to me right here where I’m at. I think that’s how it’s supposed to be. With the anticipation of something more. Maybe… I don’t know.

But having my mom there makes it very real. Knowing that she is somewhere outside of time and dimension worshiping in the fullness of what she could never be on earth is a thought that always lingers in the back of my mind. Wondering, curiosity, a little tug towards the ultimate divine. A piece of myself is with Jesus, right now…

No walls. No barriers. Just the Savior Himself glowing with the light of a thousand suns, radiating colors my mind’s eye cannot imagine, speaking with a voice like the sound of rushing waters, a love so all-consuming that it envelops all that once was and bathes it in white. Gold. Ultimate healing.

My little Izzy talks about grandma a lot. It will be a sad day for me when she stops missing her. When she doesn’t remember. I’ll do my best to remind her. But heaven is in her heart.

Standing in Grandma Icrecream's house.

She talks about Grandma Icecream a lot. She talks about heaven. She wants to know when we will go there and then she struggles with having to leave her home and toys. And it’s all very normal. Cause I struggle with the same things. Even though I know it will be better than I can even imagine…

And so heaven is also in our home. We talk about it often, questions coming from the mind of a four year old that echo the questions I have in my own mind. She doesn’t ever doubt that it’s a real place or that Jesus is close to her at all times. She just doesn’t understand it, and that mis-understanding doesn’t scare her away. She accepts that that’s how it is. That she can trust mommy and daddy. That she can talk it out and question and talk it out some more and question… all the while sitting safely in faith.

Of course she doesn’t know it’s faith. Cause it’s just how it is. It’s not compartmentalized. There’s not a part of her that believes in Jesus and another part of her that chases things that break His heart. She doesn’t go to church and act like she’s something she’s not and then run around being a hypocrite all the other days of the week.

She just is who she is. Learning still. Asking questions. Safely cocooned in love. Living in faith.

All she really knows is that Jesus is real, heaven is real, and that Grandma Icrecream is there. And little by little, she’ll figure the rest of it out. And just as I hope that she’ll never forget grandma, I pray that she will never get scared of her questions or of the unknown. That as she seeks out the truths of God, she will also revel in the missing pieces of the mystery of who God is.



6 thoughts on “Heaven is in her heart.

  1. Katie you have such insight into the things of God. Your writing is a very beautiful insight of how we struggle to believe and have faith in God even though we don’t understand it all. Thank you my precious!

  2. You are echoing my own heart, Katie…the questions I still struggle with as an adult, having known Jesus for as long as I can remember. We are so blessed by His grace, so blessed by His understanding that we can only fathom with our limited, human mind. Praise Him, for our wonderings will be answered one day. Oh, that we would always long for our true home! I praise God for your heart, for the longing for Heaven that He has placed within you. Oh, that we would all come to that place… ā¤

    1. May the richness of maturing love surprise you like a child today Katie. I am so glad you were born, and that you write! Thank you

  3. I havn’t kept up with much on this sight but this morning I am looking at and reading. When you were growing up I wanted so much for you to get some experience from a job at Safeway but to your parents reluctance they said for me not ot worry about it and I see here that this was true. I believe you have matured into a fine young mother that will raise your children as you were raised. Anyone that knows how you were raised knows that you were always pointed towards heaven at all times. She was adament about that. Did you know that I have lot’s of precious memory’s of “Dawnie” as I used to call her when she was a small child. An then I used to call her “baby doll” too. She was always a precious little girl. She was full of laughs and wanted my attention all the time. Of course I was a very busy person in those days, but I wished with all my heart I would have stopped and given her my all. When she was around 6 or so, she grew a love for horses. One was named Smokey, a Pony of Americans. He was taller than a Shetland but much smaller than a big horse. He was perfect for her. On the ranch in Oak Run she graduated to big horses and she loved to ride. Your Mother never gave me any trouble as teens do their parents, she never smoked or drank (much) and was not afraid to speak up at school when someone was picking on another kid. In highschool she was known as a goat roaper (kids that were raised on a ranch type setting and she used to laugh at that) as those kids were known by the elet side of the so called cool kids. She bought her first car with the money she made from her first FFA steer, that would be in the 12 grade. It was a 1970 Chevrolet cool car. She gave that car to brother Chuck when she bought herself a new car. She was only 21 or 22. Your Mom was the perfect child, one that I’m missing a lot but what can I do about it? I would give anything to have been with her that last night. She was so important to me and always has been. I everyone followed her way of raising children the world would be a much better place. The decisions of today prove out to be right or wrong in the future. Donald W Mann

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