I have a craving

I’m craving some worship. Real worship.

I led worship for our youth group this morning and it just fell flat in my heart. Was my vision to far out of reach for the junior highers? Or was I just too distracted by the musical embellishments? I have no idea. I sang on key, the music was in tune, and everything pretty much went as it should. But those things just weren’t enough. They didn’t matter.

I’m craving some real, fall on my face, dance in the aisle worship.


You’ll never see me dancing around or waving flags, but inside of me my soul is spinning. And a lot of the time, that stuff can be distracting. But you know what’s even more distracting? Nothing. Worship where nothing’s happening.

Of course we can’t judge the heart. We can’t see the unseen. But we can sense it right?

Why is it okay for me to freak out at a football game, but if I raise my hands too much I’m distracting? Mind you, I wouldn’t do that at a football game.

Why is it okay for me to sing as loud as I want, dance around, kick off my shoes and holler at a concert, but at church it’s distracting? Mind you again, I don’t want to sing crazy loud and run around barefoot at a concert or at church. But what if I did?

My husband and I were about to lead worship one morning at a church years ago, when he was asked to go home and change his clothes. He wasn’t dressed nice enough. He was also told to put on “real” shoes because no one wanted to stare at his ugly feet. I bet Moses’ feet looked a lot worse in the desert standing before that burning bush.

And I don’t really want to get on a soap box. I don’t really want a church full of noisy, dissonant, distracting people. I just want to see some excitement. I want to see the overflow of the heart that loves Jesus. We shout for our children at games, we cry when we are moved by movies, baby births, terrible days, deaths… certainly we can show emotion in worship.

And I certainly don’t want to see anyone strip their clothes off, but thank God that He didn’t tell David to go back inside and get some clothes on when the young king decided to run about the streets in his undies. Sounds weird? It probably was.

And I know it starts with me. In two weeks I’m leading worship for the women’s conference in Redding. Just me and my keyboard, and I am looking forward to it. No worries about guitar leads, or drum beats (even though that is the best instrument), or losing my place when the bassist does his thing.

the bride and the groom...

I see the beauty in it all. And I’m craving something more. Something where I can release this overflow of worship that has been pent up for far too long. Maybe it’s time to go turn up the music…


4 thoughts on “I have a craving

  1. im with you. girl.

    and you know…its much more, painfully noticeable, with jr highers. they appear, so often, to be flat-lined.

    but, ive had the same thoughts you write about here. and i have no answers either. only that we live in a world that judges harshly. by that i mean…its easier for us humans to praise a football team that can be “seen” than to praise a God who can not (by eyes alone) even in the midst of other believers. one is acceptable and the other is too tarnished by man and religion, self doubt, insecurities and pride. some of which i, myself, deal with.

    i love your heart, katie. just keep praising and worshiping in the way He deserves out of a heart and spirit of authenticity.

  2. yes. I honestly have been feeling the same things. and thinking back on the collage group days with you Nick Caleb and Brandon…. and whoever else i don’t remember… but i remember some of, for me, times where I felt lead into worshiping my God.

  3. Katie,
    Thank you for saying this, you are so right. Casting Crowns has a song called “Stained glass masquerade” that is all about this subject. The status of your husbands feet of his clothing is irrelevant as long as he wasn’t indecent. I would be happy to be led in worship enthusiastically by someone barefoot wearing cutoffs and a tank top if they were striving to lead us in true worship.

    Piety, which is what I call those who made those comments to your husband was a trait of the Pharisees, and one that Jesus despised. They were all about the right clothes, making a good impression too. Jesus told them that prostitutes and tax collectors would see heaven before them. I am grateful enough to be in a church that allows the praise team to dress and serve as they wish, flip flops and all, and it is a very large church (over 15K). As always, God bless you and your family!

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