How married do you want to be?

Water and mankind tend to choose the path of least resistance. Thus we have crooked rivers and crooked men.

Some of my mom’s last words to me were, “Stay with the church, Katie.”

She knew how deeply I had been hurt by church. How betrayed I have been. How deceived. She had spent hours trying to undo the hurt in my husband’s heart inflicted by the vicious under-belly of people that call themselves the children of God. For some reason she’s always been afraid that we would walk away from the church and didn’t quite believe me when I assured her it wouldn’t happen.

The church is my family. My home. I could not turn my back on them like I couldn’t on my sister. My husband and I are passionate about community. About accountability. About friendship.

In the garden of Eden, God said that it was not good for man to be alone. I believe that word was about finding a spouse, as well as a church. God Himself walked in the garden with Adam, and yet, He still gave him a wife to share it with. Not because God was not enough for Adam, but because God chose to also love Adam through his wife.

This post is about marriage and about the church. It might not make sense, but just stick with me through the end.

I recently heard a book title called, “How Married Do you want to Be?” And I wonder if people really ask this question? But yes, I know they do. Some people only want to be as married as sex. I just mean that they want to live together and have all the physical freedom without the covenant. Can I tell you that’s stupid? Stupid. There’s a reason God said not to do that. He’s not a buzz kill- He said it as a warning. Do this, and you will be hurt. Having sex makes you ONE with the person, the actually meaning behind the word speaking of skin fusing to skin. Imagine ripping your skin off. Ahhh… Jesus knew what He was talking about when He warned against sex out of marriage. It will hurt you. Eventually and deeply.But then He also said that sex is great… inside of marriage… Just read Song of Solomon. Most definitely that is about a man and his wife.

Thank God that He is a God of redemption. That, once we choose to trust Him and follow His order of things, we can be healed. But in the mean time… yikes to those that are giving their bodies away to someone other than their spouse. You’re gonna get burned. Third degree burns all over your heart and body.

Other people want to be married without any enjoyment. “Just sticking it out for the kids. Just sticking it out cause I don’t deserve better.” Oh dear… Didn’t God warn about giving false witness? Again, not cause He’s a buzz kill but because eventually the truth will come out. Eventually the truth will be exposed and they you’ll have to deal with it anyway??? Why not deal with it now. If you’re both willing, do whatever it takes. Deal without it now, cause your kids notice. Even though they’re young, they’re not stupid. They know.

The greatest gift you can give to your children is a strong marriage. Yep. I’ll defend that.

Fight for it. Fight for the spouse that God gave you. And if you married outside of God’s will, keep fighting. Remember the redemption part? That doesn’t mean God makes you meal with leftovers. It means that, IF you choose to follow His instructions, He’ll make a gourmet meal out of it. He’ll redeem the marriage to something grand.

A good marriage is worth fighting for.

A good community is worth fighting for.

Why do you go to church? Do you do it because it’s what you’re “supposed” to do to be a Christian? Let me just dispell that myth. There’s nothing in the Bible about that. Do you go because you’re lonely and it gets you around people once a week? There’s nothing wrong with that I guess, except that Jesus is not in that reason. And without Him, it’s all in vain. So… what’s the point of church then?

For community. For family. To be apart of a group with the same goal: loving Jesus and loving people. It makes it so much easier to follow God’s way when you’re surrounded by people going the same direction. And even if you mess up you’ve got a bunch of people there to pick you up and help you make better decisions. To encourage you. To help you heal. God chooses to comfort His people through other people. You find purpose. Doing the things you love for the Lord. The church has been a platform for so many people to start walking in their dreams, to literally see the fulfillment of the cry of their heart. Because God loves us and wants us to love each other. It’s His order of doing things.

And yes we’ll get hurt. In marriage, in the church. But if we ran away from things that hurt us we would all end up in caves alone. That sounds awful. We’ve got to forgive. We’ve got ask for forgiveness from those who we have hurt.

This might not make any sense.

I’m just thinking about stuff lately. About how empty my life would be without my husband, and without my church.My mom died a month ago, and I am finding that God is comforting me through my husband and through my community.

The truth is that we need other Christians. That we can have self-control. That we are not animals who cannot help but give in to out fleshly instincts. That we can have an incredible marriage. That we can wake up with hope. That we can live a life for God in such a way that, when our world comes crashing down in one form or another, we can still be picked back up and find a way to breathe. To look around. And to see Hope. To see tomorrow.

Ahhhhhh…. just a deep sigh of relief for freedom. For redemption. For Jesus. For the order and plan He put in place.

So… how married do you want to be?

How apart of the church do you want to be?


3 thoughts on “How married do you want to be?

  1. Katie girl I tell you what, you were a lot younger than me when I lived in Redding, so I never hung out with you much, but when I read you blog I think, wow I wish I live by you so we could be friends! Is that dumb? haha that’s ok, it means “Oh I love your heart and soo relate to what you write!” :P) love you!

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