There’s something so agonizingly beautiful about the moments when you long for heaven.
As a believers in Christ we’re supposed to long for heaven because He is our treasure. But if we’re being honest, I think most of us have a hard time really understanding it. Or maybe it’s just me. Maybe I’m the only one that has a hard time with the concept that there will be no marriage in heaven, or that I wont get to plant flowers with my daughter (or maybe I will), or … I don’t know. My human brain just doesn’t get it. I believe, but I don’t understand.
But there are moments when I do get it, and it hits me like a slap in the face. Or the heart. And that’s what I’m talking about. Those moments when I actually long for my “home”. Because what I’m longing for is the absence of sorrow. The absence of the “what-ifs.”
Sometimes I get it. And … heaven seems so sweet that I can’t even think about it. Cause my heart breaks. Because we’re still here on this spinning planet hurting, with the possibility of hurting. The what-ifs always in our shadow.
But then … another part of me KNOWS that I have access to the Kingdom of Heaven right now on earth. That it’s not as far away as it seems. That if Jesus is my treasure, I don’t have to be bound up in knots over the what-ifs…
… I just want to be free. I want to live it now. I want to discard the what-ifs in a big trash heap, cause that’s all they’re good for.
I want to throw off the trappings that make my feet heavy, and my shoulders stoop. I want to breathe deep… and rest in knowing that God is here among us. His name is Jesus.
I close with this prayer, written by A.W. Tolzier:
“O God, I have tasted Your goodness, and it has both satisfied and made me thirsty for more. I am painfully conscious of my need of further grace. I am ashamed of my lack of desire, O God, the Triune God. I want to want You; I long to be filled with longing; I thirst to be made thirsty still. Show me Your glory, I pray You, that so I may know You indeed. Begin in mercy a new work of love within me. Say to my soul, ‘Rise up, my love, my fair one, and come away.’ Then give me grace to rise and follow You up from this misty lowland where I have wandered so long. In Jesus name, Amen.”